Driver’s escape from horse.

Mondays I get up at half five so that I can go to the gym before work. I got up, washed/shaved/etc, left the house, drove to the petrol station. As I was driving away from the petrol station, on my way to work, someone said on the radio “And there’s still a heatwave in the south today.”

That made me think “Hmmm, I was going to put a short sleeved shirt in for work.” Then I realised…. “Shit! I haven’t put a shirt in my car! Shit! I didn’t put any trousers in either!”. Had to turn around and go home again.

Then, when I got to work, my security pass wouldn’t let me in past reception. Fortunately, the Facilities Management Director walked past me. I said “Hi, Paul. Sorry to bother you, but my card won’t let me in”. He asked for my card, looked at the name and the picture on it, but his response amazed me:Oh yeah, we played around a bit with the system on Friday. We took you off.

I refrained from asking “Why? Why the hell did you do that??? And why, for god’s sake, didn’t you put me back on again!!!!”.

Strangely, neither of these two events have managed to destroy my insanely cheery mood today.

Those of you who have seen the second series of Little Britain will have a different connotation of that word….

Stephen Timms MP is the Chief Secretary to the Treasury. Check out some of his pictures:

and my favourite:

What on earth is he looking at, and why is it puzzling him?

Also, there’s a load more pictures of him on Google Image Search – here

I now know where the entire black population of Brighton go clubbing! There were so many people there wishing they were American rappers, it was hilarious. I also managed to survive the night without too much trouble.

So, in order to help anyone else out who might find themselves in this situation in the future, here’s “Mark’s Rough Guide to Not Getting A Cap in Ya Ass”:

1. Drink – It will make everything just that little bit better
2. Dance like you don’t care – You stand out like a sore thumb anyway, so you might as well enjoy it (see point 1).
3. Dance with your shoulders – Most music, you can dance by moving your hips only. To survive you need to move your shoulders in a popping motion as well. See points 1 and 2
4. Hold Your Ground – Men will dance with their back touching yours and will try to push you out the way. Stay firm. Hold your ground. They will go away eventually. May need dutch courage for this (see point 1).
5. Avoid the guys in white vests – They are huge. Or if you feel like a challenge, see point 1 first.

What’s funny, is they are suggesting that everyone make the same hand gesture on that day:you extend your middle three fingers and have your thumb and little finger touch in a circle.

That’s all well and dandy, and it’s quite easy to do…. as many people throughout the world will already know…. because it’s exactly the same as the Scout salute. As in Scouts and Guides, Eagle Scouts, Girl Scouts, or whatever it’s called in your country.

Stupid people.

The name for Nintendo’s new console is officially “Wii”, as in “we”.

But they didn’t think very hard did they. Not sure whether this is just in the UK, but over here a “wee” means taking a piss. As in, “I’m going for a wee”.

“What do you want for Christmas this year little Johnny?”

“Well Daddy, I want a wee”.

The shameful thing is the working title “Revolution” made me want to buy one. Now I don’t. I really, really don’t. Change it back Nintendo, and stop with the “cute” stuff.

I believe this comment on Gizmodo sums it up quite amusingly

http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=10491

Hopefully, it’s not a case that a reporter has caught wind of the exercise and thought it was real!

I can imagine the first phone call: “Dave, we’ve got a case here in Fyfe.” “Bloody hell, this exercise is testing us to the limit, Tim.” “No, Dave. This one should be treated as real.” “Yeah, I know, we should do that with all exercises.” “No, Dave. This one is real….” “Yeah, very funny”….