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Posts Tagged ‘Chavs’

New Chav Game!

December 30th, 2005 No comments

Today, whilst shopping in Chav Central (aka “Crawley”), I came up with a brilliant new game: “ASBO Top Trumps”!

It would be absolutely brilliant, and would have categories like “Exclusion Zone Radius (metres)”, “Reason for punishment: ‘Spitting’ ” and “Behaviour Order length: Three years”.

I’m going to patent this idea, I think it would sell like mad!

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Ice Skating

December 30th, 2004 No comments

I’ve just come back from a day out in Guildford where I’ve been bowling, swimming and ice skating with a few of my friends

Whilst going around the ice rink, I had the pleasure of a 14 year old girl pinching my arse (I’m 22 – and definitely not into that kind of thing) and then trying to deny that she did it by not looking at me

Still, we had the most fun playing “knock the chav over”. It’s a simple game, but quite rewarding.

Basically, you get little goits, who can skate much better than myself, who tear around the ice getting in everyone’s way. Occassionally one of these will get in your way, or carve you up. At this point, you take the opportunity to “make them fall over”.

I hit the score board first, when a hood-rat managed to skate sideways in front of me as he wasn’t looking where he was going. I grabbed him, so that I didn’t fall over (it was a big collision). He went over, I didn’t. Score one for me.

At the end of the day, myself, Trevor and Rachelle, all had one take-down each, and our friend James had a healthy score of 2 (although he claims it was only one). Tom, unfortunately, failed to score – better luck next time.

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Happy Chavmas!

December 21st, 2004 No comments

On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me….

Twelve Chavvers chavving
Eleven prammers pushing
Ten lads joy-riding
Nine ladies drinking
Eight midriffs showing
Seven Scallies stealing
Six teens a-laying
Five gold rings
Four stolen phones
Three naval studs
Two tracksuit tops
And a Pikey in Burberry

Merry Christmas!

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